Loyalty, Rewards, Friendship Programmes

Among friends is an unwritten code of conduct, for which every action is attached to an equal and corresponding reaction. The equations are simple: kindness begets gratitude. Unkindness begets spite. A kept confidence begets trust. The rewards for each deed are tabulated, unbeknownst anyone outside your head, in emotional points gained or lost, which someday must be redeemed, though not always as we plan.

We want each investment to pay off in corresponding terms, even though we pride ourselves in not expecting much in return. But all we have to base our choices on is the vague promise of things to come. We do this without reading the fine print of each new relationship, which if we did, clearly disclaims any responsibility on the part of parties involved of any real obligation to respond the way we expect.

We can only hope for the best. And the best payoffs come from those we love the best. Reciprocation abounds in terms of understanding, respect, honesty, affection, growth and, of course, loyalty. The worst are those in which we are repaid with betrayal, pettiness, constant judgement, where any accummulation of points must eventually be annulled, losses cut and the worst memories faded into scars that remind us what not to do again.

Our internal politics makes comparison between loyalty rewards programmes nearly impossible, hard as we try. Each programme satisfies or dissatisfies us in relation to how another works. Yet each has little to do with the other, except by the association of onlookers. To wish for too much similarity among our rewards programmes negates having more than one friend. Yet we need as many friends as we have ways to navigate our internal labyrinths.

Even so, we rage when somebody done us wrong because we feel we deserved better returns on our initial investments. That another is outstanding for her eternal commitment to detail, someone else displays exceeding attentiveness and concern, yet another never fails to empathise.

We judge, and are judged, in spite of everything we profess. Others may share our views, but these too, contain manipulated nuances we are privy to only in the presence of the one person. A slight shift in a setting, a twitch in the environment, and everything changes depending on how true a friend is to you.

So to those we know to be less than true, we stifle the urge to say honestly, "I know you're mad about this, but you did the same damned thing to me the other day, you asshole", or "why the hell are you being so damned condescending anyway?", or "what the fuck??!! you are being so contrary when all I need is for you NOT to say anything" or "that's not what you said to him when I wasn't there, beatch ...". That would require too much of an emotional investment on a programme that does not pay off. Why attempt the impossible given the limited parameters? Better quit while you're ahead.

Instead we say, with dead calm, a disingenuous: "Yeah, I understand." What a way to put a certain end to a loyalty rewards programme.